He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
