You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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