Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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