I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
