she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
