I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
