She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
whose parrot is this?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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