I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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