I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
