Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
