...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
