I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
