yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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