If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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