Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
