So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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