he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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