$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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