I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
50% drunk capacity currently
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
