New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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