I think I died a long time ago.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
