today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
