I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
