people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize