Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
