Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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