Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
