Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
