she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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