I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize