I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
