"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
