An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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