Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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