i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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