Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
