If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
