yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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