I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
