Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
