the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
