if you like me you must not know who I am
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
