I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
