There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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