I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
