he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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