ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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