k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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