to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
