I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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