Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
