I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
