Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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