did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
