Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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