Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
