Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
