i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
