I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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