i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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