you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
