Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's no shave November. This is our time.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
