she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Enjoy the penises
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
