Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
