Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Alive.
So much puke
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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