this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
