You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
