nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
