my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
