One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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