If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He passed out mid-signature
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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