Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
