every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
