Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
