Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Randomize
