I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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