even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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