he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
