if i can run in heels then i can drive
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize