We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He better not be in your backpack
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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