Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
