you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it glows. i had to have it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
