it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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