lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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