we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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