I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
