My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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