Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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