Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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