Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
