Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
