WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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