Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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